1997-1998So how did I start gambling and why did I start gambling at such a young age (12 years old). The answer is easy there was not much to do near by where I lived on Stanley road the nearest thing to me was the ‘Alhambra arcade’ so every time I got pocket money I would go into the arcade and spend my money in there hoping to win some extra cash. Little did I know then that this could possible cause a long term gambling problem, it started with me spending my pocket money but then I started trying to work out how I could get more money to play these exciting Fruit machines!!! The fact was I could not until I got to know a lad called Richard, he would always invite me around to his to hang about and when I had pocket money he would come to the arcade with me. Then one day he showed me where his mum hides money, but little did I know that this would cause a big problem in a few months time. As those few months passed by I would be spending more and more time in the arcade and would help others win money to get was know in the gambling world as a ‘Handout’. The person who was playing the machine would give you a bit of money for helping them on that machine.
As time had passed I did no longer want to help people win I wanted to play myself and win money. So one day I decided to go around to Richards and got him to play a game of ‘hide and seek’. Then proceeded to the celler door where the money was hanging the bag which was full of £20.00 notes probably about £500.00 in total. I then took £20.00 out of the bag thinking that this will not be missed and after we had finished our game I proceeded back to the arcade with the £20.00 I had just stole. I of course lost all of the money. At this point I was very concerned as I had just robbed £20.00 off my friends mum over the next 2 weeks although knowing this to be wrong I proceeded in taking £20.00 a time before a knew it there was only about £40.00 left it was only then that it crossed my mind that I would get caught for this. I stopped calling around to my friends very concerned as to what was going to happen next, then one day after several weeks I got home and my mum was standing there in disbelief, my stomach sunk knowing I knew then that my mum knew what I had done. I tried at first to hide this and told my mum that I had not done it, I eventually told my mum the truth. She was very disappointed in me and could not understand at first what drove me to do such a thing I was feeling very bad at this point, knowing that I had stole from my friend’s mum who was a very lovely person. I only ever briefly told her I was sorry, I was so scared to even go around let alone say sorry I never really spoke with Richard again although he never did get too know the truth as his mum said she would never tell him. Unfortunately his mum (Stella) died a year later and that hurt even more knowing that I had never really said how sorry I was she always used to look after me and I betrayed her trust.
I did stop gambling but only for a few months or so and then it started again just like I was stuck on a roundabout and unsure what turn to take to get off the roundabout.
I did not get off that roundabout and then 1998 came…..
1998-1999
1998 came and I had started going fishing with friends although I was enjoying it I could only go on weekends and evenings it was something different to do. A few months had past and I started going in the arcade’s again on weekends, at first I was not spending any money just watching my friends try and hit a jackpot. The more I watched the more I wanted to play and eventually started playing the machines again, I then started wondering how I was going to get money to pay for my habit. I started working at ‘Happy Mount Park’ for my friends mum and dad collecting pots I did not get paid much but every penny helped, I was using the money to gamble rather that save up for games. I only ever seemed to lose the money and needed more money to feed the habit.
One day I visited the local market and discovered a place where you could sell videos and back in 1998 they were the top dog of home entertainment. I then proceeded home got my unwanted videos and took them to the market getting on average £2.00 a video not much but I had money again to gamble with and that was all that mattered. I kept on losing and the within a matter of a week had sold my videos not really thinking again where this was leading I decided to sell a few of my mums videos (she will not notice that a few have gone missing will she??) if only it had been a few, over the next few weeks I had sold all but a couple of videos my mum had not noticed but the only reason she had not was because they were in a cupboard hidden from site. Again a few weeks later I had got home from school and my mum was standing there once again in disbelief that I had done this approx £1000 worth of videos my mum could not believe it, she was of course very disappointed but offered for me too get help. I made a promise that I would never do such a thing again, I did not take my mum up on that offer and thought I could manage myself and stop this from happening again.
Later on in 1998 myself, sister and her friends started going around doing odd jobs for people making that little bit of money to do things, at this point I was using it to buy fishing equipment. Yet again I started going in the arcades spending my money that I had just earned, but at this point I knew that I should not being doing this because what had happened on previous occasions with stealing, but did this stop me, the answer was ‘NO’. We started doings odd jobs for a guy in Heysham once a week and it was great he would always put some money in envelopes and it would be like a lucky dip to who would get the most money. One day we went around to the guys in Heysham and my sister noticed his wallet on the side I had no idea what she had planned to do until she had robbed the money out of the wallet and said we are going now we have to get home. We got up the street and my sister turned to me and said I have just robbed money shocked and stunned the first thing I said how much and I want half of the money there was about £250.00. Being the oldest I should have said no go and put it back but all I was thinking was I can spend this in the arcade.
The next day was a Monday we had hidden the money for now and went to school my plan was to go into the arcade that evening and spend that money. I got home rushed upstairs and looked under the floorboard where we had hidden the money, was it there nope it had gone!!! Confused I rushed back downstairs to find my sister sitting there very scared with the police sat there in the front room. I could not believe my eyes how did they know where we lived, my sister had decided to take her share to school being only young she was telling all her friends about the money and the teacher had heard. The teacher worried about where the money had come from contact my mum and she did not know where it had come from. I knew I was in trouble even thou I had done nothing wrong we later told the truth about where it came from as it was doing us no favours lying. We went to the police stating where my finger prints were taken I was petrified and could not believe what was happening I thought I had a criminal record later. Only until a few years later my mum told me that the police had done that to scare me. Again I stopped gambling but I always knew in the back of my mind that would not be the end of my problems…..
1999-2000
I grew up in the West End of Morecambe and back in the good old days (1998) we used to have Frontierland to entertain us on what was then called ‘yippee nights’ myself and my friend Oliver would meet up every Friday and go there for the evening. Most of the time we would end up being on the bumper cars most of the night or on the sky ride scouting for girls. We also used to go fishing most of the time along Sandylands Prom outside the Grosvenor hotel so was always busy and would never really of considered doing anything else. I was very sensible between 1999-2000 never really went into the arcade to gamble and when I did I always kept to my limits.
2000-2001
As time passed on me and Oliver had seemed to stop talking as much or meeting up. Around about June 2000 Frontierland closed and suddenly I was no longer fishing nor was I going out on a Friday night with friends. As most people will know that live in a sea side resort there is only so much to do. I.E. Fishing, fairgrounds, drinking (if you’re old enough) or Gambling in arcades. I think you know where this is leading!!! I started hanging around with a lad called Dale very nice person but this is where it started to go wrong again. I started going back into the arcades and spending all my spare money that I was getting for working at ‘Happy Mount Park’ I knew that it was slippery road and a down hill slope from there but did it stop me ‘NO’. I did not steal to feed the habit so in some ways I had managed to stop getting in trouble but still this could only lead to further problems later on in life. As I got older reality started to hit home I was earning money but then spending it on nothing. I managed to get my self thrown out of high school a month prior to doing my GSCE’s so at this point I had hit rock bottom I was skiving to go into the arcades and coming up with lie after lie.
2001-2002At this point I decided to try and recover part of my life I started at college and studied ICT Foundation level which was great one of the best laughs I have had in a long while I stopped gambling and managed to keep it under control I could not believe how well I was doing I ended the year with a pass on the course and was loving life as a student. I also worked at Forton service station I lasted only 3 months there all of this was helping it was taking my mind away from gambling and I was keeping myself at arms length from the arcades. 2001 was a good year for me and could only get better!!!
2002-2003I turned 17 this year and was loving college even more so at dinner time sitting down in canteen which was located under the beauty department of the college lots of local talent about, what more could you want. I finished college this year and completed ICT Intermediate level and got a pass. Next in life was trying to find a fulltime job but I really was not too interested in finding fulltime work. I also had started working at ‘Maggie’s Bar’ in Morecambe loved the job and loved the people there. I then met somebody and fell in love but only after 3 months that had ended I also found out she was pregnant just after splitting up but unfortunately she lost the baby I was distraught everything seemed to be going wrong again although I would never blame any of this for what was about to happen next I still think it paid a key part in the future developments of my life.
2003-2004
So as you can see I really had managed to stop myself gambling for a 2 year period but then my 18 birthday came and I was legally allowed to gamble in the bookies and also in the 18’s section of arcades, there was also the internet side of things. I was still working part time at ‘Maggie’s Bar’ so was still getting money to go out and about, until 1 day! It then clicked I could now gamble online. I therefore signed up to a Betting Exchange site online and would arrange a date and time to meet up with one of my friends and we would spend the whole day betting on horses we would study the form and decide on which we would bet on, if the favourite was the No.2 horse in the race I would always back it not to sure why but it seemed to work for me.
I was finding that I did not have enough money to carry on until one day when I went to ‘Littlewoods’ in Lancaster to have a look around and they offered me a credit card I just thought ill apply but probable won’t get it, a week later I had been accepted with a credit limit of £700. I then found myself gambling that all away after a month I had spent the lot gambling. I therefore decided to apply for more credit and again I kept getting accepted £500 from ‘HMV’, £400 from Halifax, Hire purchases from Comet and Curry’s 2 laptops worth £2000 and I also got an overdraft from Natwest of £200 a total of £3800 of credit and all this to gamble with. This was over a 6 month period and the problem just seemed to be excelling beyond my control.
At this point I felt so isolated I even considered ending my life not something I would actually do but the thought had crossed my mind. I felt so alone at this point, my life was spiralling out of control and I never seemed to get to grips with what I was doing. People kept asking if I was ok and I would always say yes most people did not realise how badly I had got myself into debt only my closest friends knew what was happening and the more they tried to help the worse the situation got. I felt like I was being pushed into something that I thought I had under control which was making me feel even more isolated.
2004-2005I turned 19 and seemed to be on a downhill slope the only I seemed to be doing was gambling I then decided to get a fulltime job and started working for ‘Lingwoods Security’ and was really enjoying the job the only problems was working long days just sat in a room with hardly anything to do apart from patrols I soon got board and started putting bets on before work I was leading money of my friends and then when payday came the money had already been spent. I also had a flat at this point and was losing grip I in the end had to move out and back to my sisters after 6 months of working for ‘Lingwood Security’ I got a job offer working at ‘Gotts Chicken Factory’ I was working nights cleaning this was a great job it meant I was working nights and sleeping during the day this job only last 3 months and I quit.
Later that year I moved to a woman’s that I met on a holiday in Scotland my plan was not to stay there but to con her out of money to keep moving further away. I did actually do this even thou it was only £200 I had got money to move on. I then moved to my dads all I seemed to be doing was running away from a situation that I had put myself in I tried so hard to stay away and out of bookies but it was to difficult with no friends around to talk to I moved back to Morecambe where I thought I would be able to get help. The problem was I never asked for the help I did manage for a period of time to stay clear of gambling but the main reason was I had no income.
2005-2007
The next few years were the best to come I had managed to stop gambling apart from the odd quid in fruit machines on nights out I felt like I was moving forward and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel although it seemed a long way I knew I could do it….
In April 2006 I started working at BT for Manpower I always said that I would never work on the phones so off I went thinking to myself ill do the 1 months training and quit. Did I quit no I did not once I got on the phone it’s what I seemed to do best, help people it’s like it was fate with me getting the job my best mate Andy had got me the job and then he quit shortly after. To this day he believes the only reason he was here was to get me a job here was it fate (
Fate – Fact/Fiction) who knows.
6 months passed and I had got a BT contract so everything was going so well I had a great Career and great work colleagues what more could you ask for? Well a girlfriend would have been great. I just seemed to be excelling myself within the company and the more I put my head down and work the better the recognition was. Then another 6 months passed and I got a promotion onto a specialised team I could not believe my luck I seemed to be going from strength to strength within my job role. I seemed to be getting paid very well near to £10 an hour I then started gambling once a month on the football £100 on a fourfold bet. This was ok I was handling my finances and controlling myself very well the moment I went back into the bookies something should of clicked in my head and said “Don’t do it there’s only one way this is going to end” If only I had thought about it better I would have been ok.
2008I year full of expectations and hope, I made my New years resolution to lose weight and stop gambling the year started well I was trying to lose weight even thou it only lasted a short while but at least I’d tried on the other hand. I had not even tried to stop gambling but at least I was not stupid gambling just sticking to my £100 a month on the football.
Things seemed to be getting better and better as the year went on my beloved Morecambe FC team had done a good job in the first season and I had met a lass called Kate. Things at work were still looking great and I was still progressing in the right way, summer then came I went to Spain twice and loved it. The first time I was in Spain I went into a casino something I had never done and lost about 200 Euros maybe I should never of gone in there but it never effected me I seemed to of controlled my gambling problem and it just seemed like fun now rather than despair at losing big amounts of money.
After summer had gone I found myself with nothing to do and plenty of spare money to do stuff. I ended up going to the bookies on payday put my usual bet on and ended up going on the Roulette machine I thought ill just put £20 in and see what happens 1 hour later I had put about £500. I felt that same despair that I always felt when losing money, that I could have used on buying exciting things. I just brushed it aside as always and said to my self next time stay away from the machines. If you are a gambler you will understand how it feels you try so hard not to go on you even convince yourself it’s ok to just put £20 because that’s all your going to put in the machine the reality is very different you say the one thing and then do another.
The next month came and then the next and it was vicious cycle I kept on doing the same over and over again, losing money. I decided to go to my dad’s for a weekend on my way through town heading towards the train station I popped in the bookies I told my self I could only spend £20 so put the £20 in the machine knowing that I had 15 minutes to get to the train station. I went on the fruit machine pressed start a few times and could not believe my eyes I just won £500 1st time i'd ever hit the jackpot so I collected my winnings and off I went to my dads. On the Sunday afternoon I found my self with nothing to do and went to the bookies and ended up losing £300 of my winnings having that same feeling of despair again I left and went to the pub to watch the mighty Leeds United in action. Monday then came and I said my good byes and headed home on the train I got back to Lancaster and ended up going back into the bookies again putting £20 in the machine to play the fruit machine and I won £500 I could not believe my luck this weekend. This was a very key moment I ended up going to several different arcades and I kept on winning by this point I was £1300 up I never did stop thou and lost all but £100 of it.
Then the next month came and again I seemed stuck in the same cycle losing £500 a month. December came and I knew what I had to spend on presents and knew payday was near I planned absolutely everything out to a tee I for once knew what I would get for people. Payday came and straight away I found myself in the Bookies losing money it got to 5 minutes before I started my shift I had lost about £750 all my money basically my bills had been paid but no presents bought. I found myself cancelling stuff to free up money. When I got to work I felt really bad at that point again I considered ending my life I just seemed to be trapped I had my hands covering my face with my head down crying. I felt so alone at this point and I did no work what so ever that day people could tell there was something wrong I just kept saying I am ok.
20092 weeks later I had finally decided to get help to this point I don’t know what really made it click but something did, I know I want kids and a family at some point and hopefully a house I told my friend at work what I had done and she recommended a service our employee runs where I could get counselling help so I contacted them. I then got a call from a counsellor and she booked me in for my 1st session I then told my work colleagues about my problem some could tell I had a problem and other were worried for me. Everyone at work has been really supportive I was confused for some reason I felt like they would have pushed me away but they just wanted to help me. There was one other person that I could not tell my problem to and that was my girlfriend I thought if she knows she would then split up with me. I posted the link for this site on Facebook knowing she will most likely see it, the response from Kate was a disappointed one that I could not tell her but she has also said she will stand by me and help me in any way she can. What a girlfriend I could now finally get a grip of my life……
