Sunday, 20 September 2015

Gambling never easy to quit

Gambling to some may seem such a simple thing to overcome, but it truly is not, I in fairness have never fully given it up, its god dam hard, if you have an addiction you will understand, if not then maybe read through the blog and you will see how difficult these habits are to give up. It seems I go for a couple of months then have a blow out, in the last month I have wasted £250+ on gambling and its eating me up, i need to stop any form of gambling, the online side of things has been sorted I self excluded myself but the issue is b2 machines seem to have overtaken the world, they say gambling should be fun, in fairness its never fun unless you win and then the real only winner is the bookie, they say they help gamblers but in truth they do nothing, because they don't care, got so much going on in my life right now to fall into this bottomless pit. I am expecting my first child in march, due to marry he love of my life in aug 2016, and back to watching football at morecambe, which I think is helping me keep from wasting even more, the worrying thing is i withdraw money from my credit card which adds added stress to pay more money off before the wedding and baby, I think this is the only thing that's stopping me losing the plot fully at times. I have paid debts of in the last 12 months in the hope of getting a mortgage in the next 3 years, this seems like a distant dream at the min with my constant failures. I just need to stop going into the bookies, but how do you do this, give someone else control of my money, cut up the credit cards that provide me lifelines when I have car issues, or become a hermit and stay in doors, one thing is sure its not going to be easy, on top of that you get lifes stresses on top and all things start to get on top and then I feel lost, I know for one thing I don't want to go down the depression route again. I defo need friends and family to help, but i don't want to be reliant on them, i am now having to sell most of my fishing tackle to cacth up with all these debts, but this is my hobby and don't want to do that, what do I do now, I really don't know....I am lost in life and falling deeper and deeper into trouble. I need help, I am a gambler and I have a problem.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

A new year 2011, a completely new start

Let's put it this was 2010 has ended on a bad note and I have ended up gambling, but that will stop immediately, more info to come soon.

Monday, 15 February 2010

I few weeks passed great progress!

So what’s been happening for the last few weeks well quite a lot actually too much, which has been great it’s kept my mind focused on doing other things rather than thinking about those dreadful bookies!!!

So where to start well as you all now I have been having driving lessons I have now had 17 hours of lessons with 13 more to go, I have my test date for which is on the 5th March the day before my 25th birthday, now I was supposed to be setting off early to head to Bournemouth for a weekend of fun, booze and football...These plans have not changed I will just have to set off later on the 5th well 12:30 to be precise.
So where am I on my driving well I have covered Junctions, Roundabouts, reversing in a straight line, Pedestrian crossings, signals and much much more. I still have much more learning to do, more manovours, hazard awareness, town driving and just improving all that I have already done.

So why is the driving helping in the long run, well it gives me something to think about it also long term gives me a better chance of finding a new job, as most of my friends know I am not happy in my job anymore and will be looking for a new challenge in the months to come, there are loads of different job opportunities that open when you can drive I.E Bus driver, truck driving which is something most of my family have done, delivery guy..... There truly are loads of different driving jobs out there.

So what else have a been up to well the usually which includes football, football and more football, its passions, it’s a religion it’s my faith I love the game and atmosphere and now I have managed to stop gambling on football games I am enjoying the games even more I don’t have to worry about losing money on games now I can enjoy a half time pie and pint and many more pints after the games.

The latest away game I went to was in little old Accrington Stanley, this was my first visit to their ground and really enjoyed it, got to admit the Stanley Ultra’s are mental they love to cheer and show off their colourful banner work, they are a very respected bunch of people who love to get together and sing throughout games...

Unfortunately the result went there way again in the league and they won 3-2 but we were not down hearted we stopped after the game for pint and had a good laugh with the Stanley fans, something that is sadly missed in the higher leagues. It had been yet another great day out with the football family who are also supporting me in my hour of need, I can even walk in a pub now and not even move towards those dreaded machines, the day was great but so was the evening we went to The Bath pub in Morecambe and listened to some live music which was fantastic also made some new friends in there so even better so all in all the day/night had been great, it was all helping in progress to quit gambling for good.

So the time now is 15:42 on Monday 15th Feb, I will be having my next driving lesson at 5:30 this evening.

So my targets over next 2 weeks....
>Pass my Driving Test
>Buy a car
>Continue to support my football team
>Goto my first counselling session this Thursday coming
>Also visit the doctors and talk about coming off the Anti Depressants

So lots to think about and lots to do, I will write again after my 25th birthday, for now I leave you with my message of the week....Which is are you also a recovering gambler if you are or even if your considering gambling don’t is the easy answer but if you struggling to overcome your demons then tell your friends/family if you cannot talk to them, then why not visit gamcare, their there to help...If you want to talk to me so I can help you as well as you help me then drop me a comment and I will get back to you or you can add me on facebook -

Saturday, 23 January 2010

A few weeks into 2010

Well here I am again, a few weeks into the New Year. I have failed once and that was on the Mon 4th.

So what happened you wonder, lack of will power....But I looked at this not as a failure but as my first lesson in quitting for good, many things cause someone to want to gamble from flashing lights, noise, thrill of winning, boredom or even your brain which is something of a mystery and one that will take me many months to solve, it’s about mending my brain and changing the mentality of way it thinks!! Now that sounds silly but if I cannot do this there is no way I can quit.

So what else have I been doing to keep myself busy, well there has been limited football due to the adverse weather but that’s not stopped me, I ended up going to watch Leeds vs Wycombe which to be honest was very boring indeed as you can see by the picture we were 1 nil up, but the score ended 1-1.

I was also studying for my driving theory test and took the test on Tuesday 19th Jan and passed. I have now started having my driving lessons and so far so good, very nerve racking indeed, today Saturday 23rd Jan I drove to milnthrope and back this was only my 2nd lesson so was very nervous, I ended up doing very well and made it back in one piece. I then went and watched Morecambe play against Barnet and we won 2-1 another great result, this brings you all upto date thus far!

The driving is really giving me something else to think about and is one of my new years resolution so far though this is the only one I have stuck to I am sure however my others will also turn out ok.

For now though I leave my blog here again for a few weeks and will give you all a progress report and will also go into my feelings in much more detail!

Any questions please leave a comment and I will reply ASAP.

Friday, 8 January 2010

A New Year, A new week, A New Resolution

Well here I am again 2nd attempt at trying to quit gambling, don’t know where to start really. I will start from where I left off and give you all a brief outline of what happened in 2009.

I must admit stuff was going well to start with I was going to the gym, I was sticking to my no gambling policy and was enjoying life, as you all know I love watching my local club Morecambe FC and was working on a project with Aaron one of my best friends. This was keeping my head focused on other things rather than thinking of bets that I can make to earn fast money.

The project was gathering pace and we were so close to finalising the bus design, for some reason though I found myself walking down Morecambe promenade and then for a split second found myself entering the arcade. I realised what I was about to do and came back out, but this day had not ended so well, later on after having a brew at my mum’s found myself going into the bookies to check the Morecambe odds....I few minutes later I found myself on the ITBOX, within 30 minutes I had lost £150-£200.
I had failed and this continued for several months even though my job was going great, my social life was good and everything seemed to be going well even with my addiction back in place.

Again several more months had passed and I found myself not socialising and found myself confined to 4 walls again, this again was the way things had been 12 months prior to this but I thought I had beaten the addiction, how wrong was I. I now found myself throwing needless money down the drain. I also learned that my job at BT was to go and I was to be reassigned to another part of the company, was I happy... no I was not, the job I had I loved and enjoyed dealing with all aspects from stressful moments I found myself sorting complexed issues and resolving them very quickly, I was now being told I can move onto Sales!!! SALES that’s not me, I am customer service driven and don’t want to lose my job. I then asked the 3rd Tier manager why I can not move with the VIP team to Newcastle, I just got a NO not possible, well why not! No answer was his answer (IDIOT). For me BT had gone from the best company I had worked for to the worst company I have ever worked for.

I decided that I cannot go onto sales and applied for a different position within BT for which I got, I was sort of happy again, well so I thought. I feel so let down and so betrayed by the company I once loved, this pushed me over the edge, I then started gambling massive amounts of money £400-600 a month as you can imagine this is a massive amount of money, my mate Aaron could tell there was something wrong as I never had any money but did I let on, nope I did not and it carried on spiralling out of control.

I had now started my new job role for which required training and I found myself having to travel to Blackburn every day 2-3 hours there and 2-3 hours back this was causing me added stress and worry, I was getting no sleep and not having fun what so ever. Something tipped me over the edge for which I knew I could no longer work I needed time off work so I went to the doctor and he asked me questions and a gave him my answer he then assessed the answers he had assessed that I have Depression something I know very little about and was slightly confussed to why he thought this but after a lengthy talk he had showed me that in fact I am suffering from depression, this could be caused by every action I have brought upon myself from my gambling and debt problems also what really tipped me over the edge was the fact I had lost the job I love.

It is now January and I am still off work and do not plan to go back as yet, I need to get my head in order and myself ready for my customer I like to know I am giving my customer 100% of my full attention when I speak with them.

Here is my list of New Year resolutions and over the next year I hope I can start to make these a reality!

1.Quit Gambling
2.Pay debts off
3.Lose Weight
4.Learn to Drive

My dad has offered for me to go and spend sometime again with him to try and sort my head out, this I will decide on once I go back to the doctors on the 19th January. I have got to get through a meeting with a 2nd Tier manager on the 12th for which I am nervous about but am sure they will only try and help in everyway possible, for now I lieve you with my current thoughts.

“although life can be challenging and we are lead down different paths through our lifes, always remember you have friends and family who can help, never believe you’re on your own as you will only slip further into despair. Find strength in your friends and use that to make your future a bright future.

I need help and I plan on getting this, I thank my Friends, Family and football family for all your help now and in the future”